It was different then

A lifetime ago

She used to smile 

And laugh

Not holding 

The weight of the world

Up 

By her shoulders

Not standing on the 

Outside

Looking in

Who is that girl in the pictures?

Without a care

She didn't know what tomorrow 

Would bring

And trusted that 

The sun would always rise

And good would always prevail

But 10 years gone 

And life held other plans

She's realized that 

Even though life 

Held potential

It can all disappear in a moment

One minute in time 

Can forever 

Change 

The course of your future

And now 

This has become

Her reality

Outside the wind blows strong

The rain has turned to snow

Your flannel shirt hangs on the bedroom door

Your smell lingering 

Long after you've graced this world

What proof do I have 

That you existed? 

That you physically walked this earth?

How long do memories last? 

And what exactly are they made of?

My heart breaks with each minute that passes

My soul grieves

In despair

And my body aches to touch you

What I would give 

To hold the secrets 

That barricade the living

And the dead

To transcend the barrier

That separates this world

From the one beyond

For now

I leave your shirt

To prove

You did not exist 

Only in my mind

In the blink of an eye
Fate can turn to Destiny
Leaving a trail of memories
To be held
Like grains of sand 
Slipping through your fingers
If whispers could carry
Your voice to my heart
Unbroken, reckless
Wild, I'd fly
But chained I stand
Holding only the last remnants
Of what was once 
Ours

Thunder booms, shaking the roof
Of our turn of the century saltbox home
The sky is gray and dismal
Yet the irony of the warm lit interior
Plays with my mind
Our dreams were in this home
The hopes we had for our future
The children we would raise
Two boys and a girl
Who sit parked in front of Sponge Bob
While our lives fall down around us
Shattered are the memories
Pierced by the image of
The dark haired woman
That I saw him 
Tenderly touch
Then lean in for a hug
Future? What is that? 
I no longer know
Taking care of the children
Trying to put on a brave face
Home cooked meals traded in for frozen dinners 
I laugh at how ironic my life has truly become
He's "in love" 
Because obviously what we had was just a game
The children we had were created in the moment
Not born from love
How can he throw it all away
I wonder
My tears slide down my face
As the clouds break free 
With rain

At one time I loved you
And every which way the wind blew
I thought of you
And time went on
I became
Myself
And  realized
That
I still
Loved you

Who knew
That life can be born
From desire
And love can be
Created from
The intricate labyrinth
That binds one person to the next
And seperates strangers
From friends
And who can harbor
The reality
That fate has destined us
Holding us captive
To our hearts
Every whim
Surpassing the very essence
Of right and wrong
And leaving us
In the presence of
This moment

We talked for hours
That night
About everything
And nothing
It was a time
When the world around us ceased to exist
Selfishly, I savored everything about him
Hungry, greedy, consumed
By his presence
His very being
And he answered
He fulfilled my hope
And my deepest desire
Yet kept me longing for more
Leaving me
To still my soul
And silence my heart
And later
To pick up the pieces
Shattered by grief

I remember that night
When our eyes met across the room
And how you snuck one more glance when
You thought I looked away
My tears drop
Slow at first
Than unabashed
As I remember how we loved
So recklessly
And how I lost
My everything
The sun rose and set on you
The stars fell like rain when you were around
Gone too soon
They say
As my heart leaves my body
And dances wildly
With your soul

In the shadows of my past
I sit in slience
Hiding from the fears that haunt me
Taunting me to follow
Into the fog filled depths
Of the great unknown
The place where
I will come face to face
With Regret
Whose name I know well
And whose every move
I have memorized
It is here
Where sorrow hangs
Heavy and thick
And evil peeks around every corner
The cries of the past
Ring through my ears
And Defeat beckons to me
Leading me down the path
Of familiarity
To find
Feelings of despair
And hopelessness
But yet, even amidst
This despondant and lonely place
Is the promise that there is something more
Another chance
Perhaps a place
Where I can escape
The demons of the past
And take the hand
That will lead me
Into the hope of tomorrow

In the tangled web of life
I find deceit, despair
Heartache, pain
Living in the past
With regret
And yet
Somewhere, beneath
Is the glimmer of hope
The shining light that is tomorrow
Weaving happiness and peace
Through the remnants of sorrow
And leaving a trail of joy
That leads to happily ever after

My heart pinned to my sleeve
Wondering if you can see
And if you will care
Not worried
For once
If I'm playing the part
Or being naive
Just loving out loud
Without caution
Or heed
To what you will say
One chance
To do this thing right
Not wanting to live
With regret
Which hurts much more
Than never knowing
Love superceding
What might have been